Sometimes you just have to listen to your inner voices. OK -- you always have to listen to your inner voices. Especially when they're screaming at you.
I need to write. I need to write because it's what I do and it's what keeps me sane even though I avoid it sometimes as it's just one more thing on a very long list of obligations. But my "voices" are telling me I have to do this -- to myself and others (hopefully) along the way.
I'm on vacation and I'm miserable. It's that annual vacation with my husband where it's, as always, all about him. I've spent a week in a pity party -- just wanting to go home, but can't. Just wanting to cry for a variety of reasons -- I'll get into them later.
So today I scheduled a massage. On the way into the spa, I seeped with tears -- just being overwhelmed with everything.
But I forced myself to turn off my head and turn inward -- to be in the moment (which I totally suck at) and I walked out feeling like I just might make it -- but I can't do it alone.
I've been reading a lot of Kris Radish lately (http://www.krisradish.com) and her books are always about women and friendship and taking care of each other.
I realize only about 4 people read this and you're all people I love and cherish and since you're scattered all over the country this site seems to make the most sense. I need to get back to chronicling my life -- and spending virtual time with you.
At this moment, in this bookstore/coffee shop, all I know is that after years of talk, nothing really has changed and it's more than time to step into my power and truly embrace all that is me. I know, you've heard this all before, but I think I've truly hit that proverbial rock bottom -- it's time.
So today, I allowed the massage therapist to massage my belly. The part of my body I detest the most right now. You know what -- it has served it's purpose for me and it felt good to allow someone to touch it in a healing way.
Typically I would have just hidden beneath the sheets. But I really needed the healing touch and I did it.
My challenge to the world today is to do the same: Find that place, either within or without, and touch it. Find a way to accept whatever it is and embrace it. (OK you sick minds, I know where you're going -- and that's OK too)
I'm going to where we're staying now to watch my kids play in the water -- and know that you're there with me -- so when things get weird I won't have to curl up in the fetal position. You're like a giant beach floatie...
I promise this will all make more sense later -- but I'm running out of time on the computer.
I love you all,