Tuesday, October 18, 2005

My God, this hurts

There is nothing worse than being lonely in a crowd. Here I am, with three kids, a husband, a job and a wide variety of friends and I feel as though I either repel or intimidate everyone is my life.
I feel panic and fear -- and know at my core I must fall on my knees and surrendar to God.
I don't want to do it alone, and the one person I would trust is unavailable. I know God does not give you more than you can handle, but I have to wonder what the plan is here. I guess that the issue, isn't it? Just trust and follow -- my inability to do so has me in this mess.
I find that I don't know who I am anymore. My friends, so sweet, tell me daily all the good they see and yet, I cannot believe them.
My shrink says that I am a child of God. What does that mean, really?