Show Me Missouri

I'm sitting in a hotel room in Springfield, Missouri. It's flat here. 

My question is how do you know which way you're going when there are no mountains to guide you.

Hmmmm.

I'm here for a friend's graduation from basic training. I'm traveling with his mother, Judy. They're my neighbors. 

I've decided after a day of ready Janet Evanovich that I need to write the western version of Stephanie Plum. Stephanie is of course Janet's bounty hunter heroine. I love this character because she's comfortable in her own skin. She makes no apologies for who she is -- and she's always in the middle of a disaster.

I haven't come up with a good name for my Stephanie yet. Stephanie lives in a suburb of Trenton, NJ. In Idaho terms, she is from Lewiston. 

Maybe I can create a western persona for her. Have to think about that...... hmmmm

So, not only do I get to see the neighbor kid graduate, I get to hang out with my friend Will. Will and I got hired at the Times News at the same time. At the time, our supervisors kept saying things like, "You two will either hate each other or be best friends, because you're just alike." 

I was a little nervous to meet him. When I first met him, he was pretty scruffy after having spent two days in a car with his two dogs. 

But sure enough, we are good friends -- and yes, we are a lot alike. He's the editor of a weekly newspaper in Sullivan, Missouri. He runs on adrenalin. He's always in movement. He's funny and kind. I enjoy chatting with him.

Well, damn. I've been looking forward to writing all day. Now I'm sitting here with the laptop on my legs and I can't remember anything I was going to say. The real tragedy here is that in my head waiting for the plane to land, I was very witty. Iwas crackin' myself up.

Those words apparently got lost in the middle of the gigantic Bass Pro shop mall a block away from the hotel.

I'm trying to not pick up Stephanie Plum number 9 as I have a book club book: The Book Thief  to read before the next meeting....

I'll give you a full update tomorrow...

Oh my -- a job

Holy cow. 

Oh, my, gawd.

I got a job. A grown up 9-5 sort of job -- ok -- not really, but as close as I've had in a very long time.

I'm now the 4H cooridinator for Lincoln County. It's a job that has my name written all over it. Youth and community development -- leadership development -- working with volunteers. 

Essentially it's stuff I do for free all the time, but I actually get paid.

I'm scared to death.

Why am I here? I applied so I would have financial independence. But right now while things are stable it seems weird. I have so many things to do at home, but it was such a perfect job I couldn't resist. I interviewed and I got the job.

Heavy sigh.

It's overwhelming. The former coordinator was a friend and she did great things in the position that I'll be able to build on -- but her idea of office organization and mine appear to be a little different. I have to be in training quite a bit in the next week or so -- leaving my children for several days on end between scheduled trips and these new business trips. That makes me nervous.

But strangely -- even though I'm a little overwhelmed -- I'm pretty calm for the moment. 

This is a job I can do well and in which I can make a difference. I seem to function a little better with more structure in my world -- and I'm already always tired so that won't make a big difference...

If God gives you what you need when you need it -- it seems sensible to follow this through. 

More later --

I was tagged the other day by my friend Sally at http://www.sallyacious.com. 

How very nice. Sally always has this amazing ability to contact me when I need to hear -- or in this case, read -- her voice. I've been thinking lately that I needed to do more blogging. I actually think about that all the time. After about a month or so of feeling invincible I thought I ran into a wall the other day. My doctor pointed out to me today that it was really more of a mud puddle. 

Somehow I fell back into my old routine -- being too tired and overwhelmed to take care of the things and people -- namely me -- who really need my attention. Now, I know -- because I've tried this a number of different ways -- that when I take care of myself first -- when I do things that bring me joy FIRST -- that everything else really falls into place. As usual, I can pinpoint the moment I stepped into the mud puddle -- I did something I didn't really want to do, but felt obligated to do. So instead of setting realistic boundaries, I jumped head first into this puddle of slime and now I'm feeling sorry for myself.

Well! Enough of that. Back to being me without apology.

So here's how this game works:

The rules of the game are:

1) Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog
2) Share 7 facts about yourself, some random, some weird
3) Tag 7 more people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs
4) Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs

SEVEN Facts About Me

1)  In real life, I'm a night owl. This whole being an adult parent really cramps my style. I should be in bed right now, but I feel great sitting here in the dark, listening to my husband snore and playing here and on facebook. It will truly suck at 6 when I have to be responsible. Someday, I'll work on my schedule. My husband things it's all a matter of training. I think he's wrong. By nature, I like this time of day better. 

2)So last month, I told my husband to essentially either get help or get out. I didn't use those words exactly, but that was the message. His violent rage thing was sooooo very old. I, after all these years, was ready to leave. But here's what happened. The man actually took responsibility, admitted he had a problem and got help. Well hell. Now I'm not sure what to do. I spent all that time being mad and hurt and finally made up my mind -- and now he's well, like, nice to be around. Actually helps me. Doesn't yell. It's the damnedest thing -- and I'm a little disappointed....

3)I love hands. Hands are the cools parts of the human body. I love looking at other people's hands. I love studying hands attached to Idaho women -- they're unlike anyone else's hands I think. I love art that involves hands and have purchased a bunch of student art -- just because there were hands in the picture. Someday, I'm going to write a book about hands and the people attached to the coolest ones...

4)Someday I'm going to talk about my book on Oprah. No really. I can feel it. Maybe I'll be the next Oprah. 

Karma. That sounds good, eh?

5)I think in my past lives I was a 1) star or celebrity of some sort and b) a pioneer farm woman

6)I think that I'm willing to buy into the whole 2012 thing -- but it's not the end of the world -- it's a change in consciousness. My acupuncturists says I'll be on the forefront of that. I believe him. He's a Shakespearean actor named Bard who looks like Chris Isaak and Lyle Lovett ... how can he be wrong?

7)I am becoming a food Nazi. We have demonized food. This must stop.

So -- I don't actually follow 7 blogs. I might have to post a few of them later.

1) www.sallyacious.com -- Because Sally is just fun to hang out with.

2)www.mimimimi-word.livejournal.com

3)Ok -- I'll have to finish this later ... those are the two I pay attention to the most... I have to find links to the others I check out less frequently...

This has actually been rather fun.....

It's done. Now what?

Those of you who check my facebook page alreayd know I finally finished the first draft of my book: Fat and Then: A Journey to Self Acceptance. 

It felt great to wrap it up -- It will go through several versions before it's done. It was an incredible catharsis. Everyone who has read it so far has liked it -- so that made me feel good.

I'm tired today -- my knee is starting to hurt again. Damn. I think I'll go ahead and get another cortizone shot -- after everything I've been through with the knee and my health -- I guess it won't hurt to do it one more time....

I'm trying to come up with a way to check my progress without checking the scale. After everything that's been said and done it's still really easy to fall into the old numbers game. I'm down ten pounds since we got the thyroid problem diagnosed. I'm starting to get compliments on my figure again...but it's essential to focus on the inner changes instead of the external.

I'm thinking there could be some sort of check list -- similar to the one I used when I was learning to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. 

Instead of getting on the scale -- I could -- I don't know take some sort of inventory... how I felt, how much sleep.... whatever.... any ideas?