Friday, September 12, 2008

What a difference a day makes

And a little bit of sleep.
After last night's purge of my latest drama, I must say I feel tremendously better.
I got up and went to jazzercise -- which I love. Then I came home and flopped on the couch and watched a Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire movie and cat napped. Then I puttered around the house and talked to my god daughter on the phone for an hour and did laundry and cleaned the girls' wing.
Then I went to dinner with my friend Marcella in Hailey. I just needed to dress up like a girl and have a night out. We had a nice meal at the Sun Valley Brewery and then went to this new place which probably would have been great as there was live music -- and I love that -- but the wait staff was wearing flip flops. This is a trend that just grosses me out -- so we didn't stick around long.
So we went to the Silver Dollar Bar in Bellevue -- I was sort of dreading this because I'm just not a bar-goer anymore. So we bellied up to the bar -- and Marcella proceeded to figure out how to steal a plastic monkey. In the process this guy came up and started talking to us.
You know what? He flirted with me.
No one ever flirts with me, they always flirt with my cute friends. I didn't even realize it at first, but Marcella pointed it out to me. Anyway we danced and played pool with this guy and another guy at the bar and it was great fun.
This guy ended up walking me to my pick up and he told me I was beautiful and that he wanted to make out with me. A million years ago when I weighed a lot less and was a whole lot more available, this kind of thing NEVER happened to me.
I, of course said, I'm sorry, but .... and he was entirely a gentleman. OMG -- this kind of thing never happens to me. It was so nice -- so very nice.
I know he was drunk and won't remember a thing come Monday morning, but the whole thing made my day -- my week -- my year, really.
The Universe continues to confuse and delight me -- and in spite of everything I truly feel like I'm on the right path -- and wow, what a ride....!!!


sally said...

Oh my god! I go out of town for a weekend and don't check up on any of the blogs I read because I don't have access, and you go and change your life.

You go ahead and do what feels right, but remember a couple of things:

1) Your kids don't know what's best for them. All they know is what they live with. They can't be trusted to judge what's healthy, but they will grow up accepting that what they live with is normal, so if you don't want them ending up in the same boat, take the steps you need to take.

2) It's hard. But going back because he agreed to change something just reinforces his behavior. You've basically told him it's okay to do what he does if he "tries," but returning home has removed all of the consequences for him should he backslide. And abusers always do.

I love you, sweetie. I've been there. Not in nearly as extreme a situation as yours, but I was in a verbally abusive relationship myself. You can get out. You can recover. So can your children. There are all kinds of people who can and will help you. Stick with it. You'll get there.

Kel said...

Hey Hon,

Sorry I pooped out on you last night, I was totally wiped out.
I've caught up on your blog, what a summer you've had. I know from experience the stress of remodeling only puts MORE stress on a marriage. As much as I love Greg now, I could have "put him out with the cat" when we went through our kitchen remodel.
Here's my two cents worth...... The first thing I can think of when I read your blog is, please stop worrying about what other people think of you or how you perceive them to think of you. You are who God created you to be. Yes, you have flaws, we all do, and yes, you are beautiful just as God made you. If your sister-in-law doesn't like your shoes, tough shit, wear what YOU like and what YOU are comfortable in. If she says something negative, just reminder her that it is her opinion, and nothing more. If someone doesn't like your blouse being low-cut, too bad, we all need to feel sexy once in a while. I'm really thrilled that the gentleman at the bar was interested in you, its amazing how that can boost a persons self esteem. I know I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth when I say that, on one hand you shouldn't care what people think or say, but on the other hand, if its something positive it sure feels good! I know this is a tough one, but do try to let go of your daily stress. My mom always said "Let go, let God". It took me a long time to figure out how to do this, but I'm getting fairly good at it. I hand many things over to God now, especially since there are many things I have no control over. Why worry about it when you cannot change it. Life is full of lessons and some of the hardest things we go through in life are what makes us the loving, patient, caring people we are.
Well, my next class just came in, so I need to go. I'll read your chapters and give you feedback in a little while.
Love you,

sally said...

I tagged you. Come see.