Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Major revelation

So it's a funny thing what a little sugar can do.
My husband has been diagnosed with diabetes -- a pain in the ass, but I really see it as a blessing in disguise. It will require us all to eat better and we'll be able to have family meals. Maybe he'll even stop with those stupid diabetic rages.
We've been meeting with nutritionists and go over meal plans -- trying to get a grip of how our bodies digest food etc. When I moved in with Clem 12 years ago, he had recently completed a Nutrisystem Diet plan. Under that system, he stopped eating supper, ate a big lunch and might have a snack in the evening that's all. I remember thinking that didn't make a ton of sense to me -- the light supper in the evening made more sense to me. But, in my effort to please and fit in -- and in his constant reminders that I wanted to lose weight and that was the way to do it as far as he was concerned.
So I stuffed my instincts and ate according to his schedule. I've done nothing but gain weight since.
WOW -- again, I have to ask why it made sense to me to give up what I believed... but really that's what I've always done -- I'm just altered my needs to fit in with whomever I was living with -- whatever I thought people wanted.
So my blood sugar isn't what it should be -- but it could use lowering. I'm a little afraid because food is such an emotional and control issue for me and this seems a bit overwhelming. But it may just be a return to center for me -- to a time and a place when I followed my heart.
I think it will be nice to be home.